Sunday 4 March 2012

The End.(?)

The 3rd March was possibly the worst day of my entire life. When my dad dropped me off at work and said “I will see you at 8, hopefully” I thought nothing of it because as far as I was aware there was absolutely nothing wrong in our family life. Boy was I wrong. When my dad picked me up from work at 8pm he asked me how my day was I said fine and asked him how his was, expecting a "yeah, okay" in reply. That was not the case. Instead he pulled the car over in the carpark and began to apologize to me, telling me he didn't want me to hate him but he had decided to leave my mum. I felt numb, I still feel numb. I wanted to cry but I just couldn't find any tears. We sat and talked about it and I told him I could never hate him because he's my dad at the end of the day. When I got home I sat with my mum and cried, a hell of a lot, she was just as shocked as me. I didn't know what to do with myself, what to think. Are we going to have to sell the house? Where will my dad go? How on earth will we get through this!?  It was hard for my mum and dad to come to the decision that dad should stay at my grandma's (his mums) because there was no cheating involved and there is no one else involved so it was hard for my mum to scream, shout and kick him out so he stayed last night, but slept downstairs. 

This morning me and mum went out to tell my grandma and granddad (her mum and dad) and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to listen to. I have never heard my mum cry so hard and so much when she told my granddad and he just comforted her and asked all the questions he needed to. I cried whilst I told my grandma and made her promise me that she would stay strong for my mum like I am trying so hard to do. I was so proud that my grandma barely cried a tear, despite how upset she is, just for my mum. My mum needs me now more than she has ever needed me before. I never in 3 million years thought this was ever going to happen with my family but it has and I just don't know what to do now. Because of this there is no longer going to be adoption which has devastated us all but it would be completely unfair to bring a child into a situation like this nor would social services even let it happen. I am sorry to anyone who was following for the adoption stuff. 

In all honesty I know in the long run we will all be completely fine but for now I guess we are all adjusting to the initial shock and change. I'm not sure how many blog posts will be up this week because I'm not feeling motivated to blog but I guess it will help distract me a little. I don't want anyone to think I am attention seeking, I just really needed to get this all out somewhere where I'm not looking at a crying face. If you aren't interested in this then sorry! 
XO

19 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear this sweetie, its totally blown me for six so I can't imagine how your coping. Thinking of you Char xx

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  2. This is the worst thing ever! I hope you're okay! Look after your Mum, she definitely needs you more than ever! xxx

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  3. omigosh, i'm so sorry to hear about your mum and dad. i hope you're okay! xxx

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  4. Oh my God, I am so so so sorry. Can't even imagine how you're feeling right now. & it's good to get your thoughts down so don't apologise. Sending lots of big hugs your way xxx

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  5. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. And if you need to blog about it to get it out then everyone will be right here for you.
    Big hugs
    xxx

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  6. Oh Char <3 this was the most heartbreaking thing to read </3 I hope you're okay xx

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  7. I'm so sorry Char, cannot imagine how you're feeling right now but just know everything will work out how it's meant to in the end..if you need to talk to anybody just shoot me an email or something <3. Just know that all your followers are here to support you & if you need time off I'm sure they won't mind! :)


    Hope things get better soon darling
    Zara
    Xxx

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  8. If you ever need to talk lovely you can always message me <3 I hope it all works out in the end!

    Lucy
    xx

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  9. So sorry to hear this has happened. I hope you and your mum are alright, as well as your dad although I'm sure you must have mixed emotions towards him right now. My parents split when I was really little so I'm not sure how much it bothered me (although it doesn't bother me now) but just keep in mind that in time everything will feel better although I'm sure it seems impossible now. And don't worry, I'm sure no one will think you are attention seeking! Sometimes it's just good to get things out in the open.
    Feel better soon,
    Seonaid.
    xx

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  10. Hope you're coping babe, stay strong
    xxx

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  11. I don't want to comment and sound like I know you well or anything -because I don't, but through your posts I've really felt a connection to your beautiful personality and would just like to say that I am very sorry for you, I cannot imagine how you must feel, but the way that you're able to share this is so inspiring, I hope you start to feel more positive soon.

    Sending you my thoughts x

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  12. Omg this was the most heartbreaking post I have ever read :'(. I'm so so sorry for you and your mam, it's harder as well because at least if there had been cheating involved then your mam could be angry which would have been easier to deal with than hurt :(.
    Hope your family gets better in the next few weeks :(

    Love xxxxx

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  13. Hun, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can't imagine how you are feeling, but for something to come out the blue like that must be hard. I'm thinking of you, and hope you and your family get better.

    *massive hugs*

    xxxx

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  14. Oh Char, I cannot say I know exactly how you feel, but I can promise you that it will get better. No doubt does this seem truly awful and devastating, but stay strong and be there for both of your parents. Make sure you have someone who can be there for you too. Let yourself cry...when I was going through a rough time people told me not to, but let it out and you feel so much better. Remember what you love doing and turn to these things to help you cope.
    Stay strong, you are going to be fine.
    xxxxxxx

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  15. I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this, I know how horrible it is when your parents split up and you're doing an incredibly good job by trying to stay positive for your mum, I'm sure everything will work out in the end but in the mean time just know you've got tonnes of people in this little corner of cyberspace who care so much about you and will always be as supportive as possible xx

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  16. i am so, so sorry i didnt know what to feel when i read this post. dont even think about blogging at the moment, its the least of your worries. i hope you all stay strong and know that we all care about you, and im sure it will all work out in the end xxx

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  17. I'm sorry sweetheart, I really am. Please know we are all here for you x

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  18. I'm so sorry that you are going thru a hard time =-( Keep your head up beautiful.

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  19. I had the same thing happen to me and I know how it feels. I'm here for you as well as every one else. <3

    xxoo,
    Claire.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment on my blog!